In the movie Shawshank Redemption, I love a line, in the final scene, that was written by Ellis (Morgan Freeman) in his letter to Andy (Tim Robbins). It says something like this: Hope is a good thing. When all faith is gone, all that remains is hope. That line made me understood how important hope is. And, partly gave me the answer, why St Paul picked these three words most importantly in 1 Corinthians 13:13: And now faith, hope, and love abide; these three; and the greatest of these is love.
But what happens when hope is gone? Does love remain as sole survivor?
When hope is gone, what I feel is death. For many times, about less than ten, I had thought of ending my life. I had thought of jumping off from the 4th balcony of my school in high school. I thought of hanging myself. In my room, in my 20s, there was a rope hanging from the ceiling, all ready to be used. There was also an insecticide hidden in my room, not for insects, but for me. In my 30s, I thought of jumping off a ship, one time I left home; or jumping off a bridge during a stormy weather.
Unfortunately, quite an irony, none of those suicide plans had happened as I write today. One voice would save me. Every time, there was something inside that always told me not to do it. A soundless voice in my brain, or like behind my ears, would tell me not to do it. And so, I would obey. Thus, none of those death plans ever happened.
A few days ago, I was in my depression mode again. Hope is gone again. So, is faith. Death is alive again. During this depression mode, often I asked, as usual: God, why have you abandoned me. You love children. They are the most precious to you, yet when I was a child, you weren’t there.
Luke Fifteen Eleven Thirty-Two 